Scars
by WonderlandGirl457
Summary: Maria Lopez has lived in LA along with Kendall Knight since they were young. When Kendall starts struggling in their Spanish class and noticing Maria , Maria agrees to tutor him; Kendall and Maria soon become close friends... And maybe more?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

**Hey there! **

**Here's another story, a story that came to me in my dreams (well, part of it). I know corny right? But yeah, it's true. I got the idea from a dream. It was nice. I guess. But yeah. Here goes!**

**Characters: Kendall Knight, and my alter-ego, Maria Lopez. **

**Hobey-ho, let's go. **

**Rated T for language; rating will change later!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**– Michael Buckley.**

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><p>I looked around as my teacher took roll. It was 7th period (thank the lord in heaven, the last one) of the first day of school. The students were flaunting their tans and sun-swept hair from the summer before; evidence of the LA beaches and all of their glory. I was dressed in shorts and a worn Phoenix t-shirt with a tan and tired eyes. My black hair was pulled up into a messy bun and I listened half-heartedly to my teacher.<p>

It was Spanish class, an AP level one at that, and I would normally have been jumping out of my seat in excitement for the foreign language, but I was exhausted already. Having a late-night beach trip the night before as a last-ditch attempt to make the summer last forever was probably a bad idea; my friends and I did not learn a way to stop time, but instead time hit us like a brick wall when the clock on the dashboard shined 3:30 as we drove home.

"Lopez? Maria Lopez?" my Spanish teacher called out.

"Hola Senora. Presente." I replied.

My teacher, Mrs. Morales smiled at me, I'd had her for two years already, and I was great in Spanish. Being fluent in Tagalog and it helped a lot. Just then, a boy, with blonde hair and green eyes burst through the door, immediately apologizing.

"I'm sorry. Lo siento. Lo siento. I'm sorry!" he pleaded.

The teacher just nodded and replied, "I know it's the first day and all, but I know for a _fact_ that you know where my class is, Senor Knight. Don't let this happen again. You're a senior, you should know better."

He nodded and made his way to a seat near the back of the classroom, and sitting down next to me with a "humph" as the teacher continued. He looked at me, "Hi. I'm Kendall."

I replied, without looking at him, and focusing on the verbs the teacher put on the board, "I know. I'm Maria."

Kendall looked puzzled, "You do?"

"I've been in every class of yours since pre-k," I said as I finally looked at him.

Kendall took in the light brown eyes that were rimmed with purple eyeliner and the black hair with the light pink streak in the back of her head that led to the high bun, and then saw the faint scar that traveled from her right ear to a point in the middle of her neck. The scar brought back memories of a girl, back in 8th grade who came to school with a large gash on her face, blood staining my t-shirt, and her brown eyes filled with tears. They spilled over without stopping, black eye make-up running down her cheeks, and her hair was pulled back into a pony tail. I ran straight to the nurse's office.

The next day, there were rumors floating around that I had done it to myself, for attention; other people say I was jumped by some girls. No one knew what really happened. I didn't tell anyone, and I didn't want to. I was perfectly content with living in secrecy and non-acknowledgement.

"Oh. Hey," he said after a moment, "How've you been?"

I looked at him, "I've been okay. Sad that summer is over, I guess. But yeah. You?"

"Yeah. Same." He replied, turning toward the front of the class as the teacher continued with her lecture.

I was about to question what suddenly brought this on, but decided it was just courtesy.

The bell rang suddenly and I stared at the practice tests around me. I was done with mine at least twenty minutes ago. I started packing and noticed Kendall was really struggling; only a third of his questions answered, and I wasn't sure if any of them were even correct. He stood up, a sad look on his face as he handed the test to our teacher.

I grabbed my bag and headed for the door, but was stopped by the teacher.

"Maria, puedes ayudar al nino a veces? Él necesita mucha ayuda." (Can you help the boy sometimes? He needs a lot of help) I glanced at Kendall who was now gathering his things.

I nodded, "Por supuesto. Hasta manana, Senora." I walked out into the daylight… and right into a boy, a tall boy accompanied by two other ones. I blinked rapidly and tried to keep my balance and completely failed, heading closer and closer to the ground, until a set of arms caught me before I received a head injury.

I looked up into a pair of green eyes that were slightly covered in blonde hair, pierced with worry for a moment-

"-Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Shit. My bad, dude. I didn't see you there. Are you okay?" I stood up straight then saw the guy I collided into and his friends.

James Diamond, the tall brunette with "the face" that almost every girl in the school fawned over and the person who almost sent me into the ground; Carlos Garcia, short who was goofy and kept his raven hair under a helmet; and then someone who I was actually friends with, Logan Mitchell, one of the smartest people in school, but the _only_ one with killer arms. These three and Kendall were on the school's varsity hockey team.

Logan added, "You okay? I apologize for James' lack of awareness about his surroundings."

I laughed, "Yeah. I'm good. Lucky Kendall was there to catch me before I received a concussion."

"No big deal," Kendall shrugged.

Logan asked, "So, how was your summer, Ari?" He was the only one who called me that, and I loved it. I didn't have too many friends, let alone ones that gave me nicknames.

"Too short. How was yours?"

"Good," he smiled, "okay, well, the guys and I have to go to practice, but we'll catch up later, yes?" I nodded, and noticed Kendall staring at me, a million thoughts flooding in front of his eyes and through his head no doubt. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion before turning around and waving goodbye to the four boys.

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><p>I met up with my two best friends (my only ones, really) where we'd been meeting since freshman year, a place near the main corridor, away from all of the loud, obnoxious students we wouldn't mind putting in a tarpaulin bag with the smell of my friend's dog's feces wafting through the air. It seemed that every day, we were adding more and more people to our metaphorical tarpaulin bag.<p>

My friend Iña asked, "How was your first day?" fake interest dripping in her voice.

"Boring as hell. Ha. But my classes are alright. And I ran into Kendall Knight's hockey posse. Literally," I said, "I collided into James Diamond when I walked out of Spanish, but Kendall caught me."

Iña exchanged looks with my other best friend, Nicole, and they both went, "Kendaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll?"

I rolled my eyes and answered, "He's in my Spanish class, and he was walking behind me. Cheeze. No big deal."

"But don't you like him or something?" Nicole asked.

I spun around after waving to some girl I vaguely remembered from freshman year, "What? What are you talking about? I think he's cute, but I don't like him… I don't even know him."

They laughed, "But you _want _to know him."

I stared at them in disbelief, "What are you two talking about?" They laughed hysterically as we headed towards Iña's car in the parking lot.

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><p>As I rode shot gun in Iña's Nissan Altima, I thought about what Nicole and Iña said earlier about<p>

Kendall. I did want to get to know him, but what of it? It didn't mean anything… Did it?

Yeah. He's cute, but we're from different worlds.

He was a hockey head, and I was a theatre geek. He spent his time partying with the popular kids and practicing hockey, and I spent my time at rehearsal, or avoiding my father. He had a social life full of girls and parties, and all I wanted was sleep. Once rehearsals started, I would have 14+ hour days spent at school making sure the play was amazing. Our worlds never touched, let alone merged.

I snapped back to reality when Iñ a stopped in front of my house, and I threw a thank you to her before I entered my house, and ran up the stairs to my room. I immediately grabbed my laptop and turned it on. I checked Facebook. One friend request. Kendall Knight. Hmm. Alright. Accept.

5 minutes into my Cooking Mama game, (I know, I'm addicted.) an IM window popped up from none other than Kendall Knight.

**Kendall: **Hey.

**Me: **Hello. What's up?

**Kendall: **Nothing much. You?

**Me:** Same. Just lying around. Listening to music.

**Kendall: **Cool.

**Me: **Yup.

**Kendall: **What song?

**Me: **Armistice by Phoenix.

**Kendall:** I've never heard of them.

**Me: **They're really good. You should look them up.

**Kendall: **Okay. Cool. So what'd you do over the summer?

**Me:** I went to New York for a couple of weeks. Then England for about a month. Then hung out with my friends here after. What about you?

**Kendall: **… Well. Mine wasn't as exciting as yours, that's for sure. Just hockey camp back in Minnesota. Why'd you go to those places?

**Me: **I missed New York, I hadn't been there since 7th grade. And I went to England to visit my aunt. How was hockey camp?

**Kendall: **Wow. You rich or something? And it was good. I mostly spent my time helping the younger kids.

**Me: **Ha. No. I went by myself, and paid for both of those trips. And what? You're so good, you don't have to actually "attend" hockey camp? Haha.

**Kendall:** Well, since the guys and I are seniors, and had been going there since 6th grade, we basically have our positions handed to us, and it's not like we have much competition. We live in L.A.

**Me: **Oh really?

**Kendall: **Oh no. Now I sound like a douche.

**Me:** Haha. No. You're just confident… Well. I have to go do some homework. But I'll talk to you later.

**Kendall:** Homework? It's the first day of school!

**Me:** AP English, man. I basically signed up for only 12 hours of sleep every week. Hahahah… Oh god. I'm going to die…

**Kendall:** Ooh, man, sorry. Alright. I'll talk to you later. Good luck, Maria.

I closed my laptop and smiled to myself. I couldn't help thinking about his bright green eyes and the swoopy hair that fell in front of his eyes. I quickly shook my head and fell into the latest book the AP teachers drowned us in, reminding myself the kind of world I lived in. And how different Kendall's was from mine.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I do not own Big Time Rush or anything related to them. (Except for their CD, all of their songs, and their new DVD. :D) **

**Rated T for language; rating will change eventually!**

**On with the story, Alice!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it."**_**- Michael Buckley**

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><p>The next few weeks went by in a blur, only a few "heys" and "how are yous" exchanged between Kendall and me during Spanish or when we passed each other in the halls. We would sometimes talk at night on Facebook and I was slowly getting to know the hockey head better<p>

One Friday before the end of the first grading period, I was elated, knowing I would be able to sleep a little more and have a slight break from school work. I could already feel the warm, soft bed at 11 o'clock in the morning…

"Maria, Kendall, can you guys see me after the bell?" Senora Morales asked. I nodded then continued with my work. I noticed the slight hint of panic in his eyes, and I gave him a small smile to assure him he was fine. He returned the smile then continued with his work as well.

The bell rang five minutes later and I stuffed my belongings into my bag, then followed Kendall to the teacher's desk. The teacher took a breath and said, "So. Maria, you know you're doing well, and you always do in this class… Kendall, I'm just going to be honest, you need help, bud. I'm not sure if it's me or maybe your memorization skills aren't like Maria's, but this class will affect your GPA, and I know how important that is for hockey. I suggest you get help now, "she turned to me, "So, Maria, would you be willing to tutor Kendall? I can sign your hours off for the community service you need."

I looked at Kendall, who was blushing furiously and refusing to meet my eyes, "Yes. Of course. When should we meet?" The teacher smiled, then continued with her work as we headed towards the door.

He finally looked at me and said, "How about tomorrow? Senora is right, I need help, and fast. But I have practice from two until six. Then I have to have dinner with my family. So maybe like 11?"

I groaned inwardly, trying not to be noticeable about it, realizing I would not be able to sleep in but, "Yes. That'll work. I'll need your address."

"Okay. What's your number? I'll text it to you." I gave him my number then walked out with him and chatted with his other friends. I noticed something weird in their eyes when we mentioned our tutoring session, but brushed it off quickly.

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><p>I pulled up to Kendall's house at 11:13. My jaw dropped when I saw the enormity of his "house" (it was more of a mansion, really). I parked behind two cars that were only a few feet away from the massive double doors with a glass decoration on the front. I texted him a simple, "Here." As I rushed to get my Spanish book, binder, and my purse then walked to the door.<p>

The door swung open and revealed a Kendall clad only in boxers and a plaid shirt, a pair of jeans hung on his left arm. My eyes traveled the slight bulge in his blue boxers, then quickly flung them up to meet his eyes. _"My god, he's either huge, or turned on…" _I thought to myself, hoping for the former; it would be awkward if he answered the door with a boner…

"Listen, I'm sorry I'm late. I had to cook breakfast, and get ready and do chores, then I realized I forgot my stuff, and I had to go back and-"

Kendall interrupted with a laugh, "It's cool. I'm late too," waving his jeans in front of my face. Right then, a woman in her late thirties ran down the stairs.

"KENDALL! Why are you in your underwear? Go put your pants on! You have a guest! I've raised you better!" she cried, her eyes half-blazing like the red tint in her hair.

"MOM! Alright! Alright! This is my Spanish tutor, Maria. Can you just send her to my room as I put my pants on in the bathroom?" Kendall half-screamed in reply.

The woman's face softened into a laugh, "Okay. I'm sorry I yelled… His bedroom is upstairs, third door to the left." I nodded, "I'm Jenna by the way. Mrs. Knight, Jenna, Jen, Mama Knight. You can call me whatever."

I laughed in return, "Thanks, Mama Knight."

"If you need anything, just give us a shout."

I smiled, "Okay. Thank you."

I walked up the wide staircase and opened the third door to the left. I looked around the room, at the hockey paraphernalia and an acoustic guitar next to the unmade bed. A laptop was half-buried in the covers and there were clothes strewn everywhere on the floor. I walked to the windows that opened to a balcony and climbed out, sitting on the edge, and looking out at the backyard. There was a bright, clear, blue pool to one side of the backyard, and a barbecue/patio opposite it.

I heard shuffling behind me and I turned around to see Kendall picking up his clothes from the floor and chucking them into the open closet, then shut the doors closed. "I promise they're clean… " he muttered.

I watched him pick up his guitar gingerly and stand it up against one of the dark blue walls near the windows. I stepped down from the window and stood awkwardly, not sure where I should sit or stand.

Like reading my mind, he motioned to his bed and sat down on one side. I grabbed my stuff and sat next to him. "Okay. So I was thinking you should make flash cards for the vocab every chapter, and study them at least 5 minutes every night," I began, "Then I would suggest listening to the radio or watching your favorite DVDs in Spanish and-"

"- Is that what you do?" he asked.

"Me? Oh. No. I'm just good at Spanish, I guess. I think it's because I know Tagalog- and-oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to brag I just-" I stopped, seeing the defeated look on his face.

He sighed, "No. It's okay. I'm just incompetent."

I shook my head, "No, just not as exposed, I think. I'm like a quarter Spanish, my grandmother was born in Spain, and she's trilingual: English, Tagalog, and Spanish. She's pretty amazing."

"She does sound pretty amazing," Kendall laughs, "Okay. Let's do this. No offense, but, I need you outta my hair by one o'clock for hockey practice."

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><p>12:15 p.m.; same day.<p>

"Knock knock," a voice said from outside of Kendall's door, as it opened slightly. The last hour was spent going over the vocabulary and grammar lessons a million times over. When I made him create flash cards twenty minutes ago, Katie came into the room.

"Hey Big Brother, want to play some Castle Bashers?" she asked, brown hair bouncing in her pony tail.

Kendall looked up from cutting the paper, "I can't, Baby Sis, I'm being tutored. This is Maria." He motioned to me.

I smiled, "Hey."

"I'm Katie. And I hope you can get through my brother's thick head. Spanish, I presume?" I nodded and she continued, "Yup. He sucks."

I laughed loudly, throwing my head back and nodding, "Yeah, I'm learning that,"

Kendall pouted and looked at Katie, "You can leave now." Katie and I laughed once more and then she left.

She appeared again at the door now and asked, "Mom wants to know if you guys want some pizza."

I gave Kendall a look and said, "Quieres comer pizza con tu mama y tu hermanita?" (Do you want to eat pizza with your mom and little sister?)

Kendall blinked, took a deep breath, then finally, "Yeah… The only thing I got from that was pizza. But yes… Umm… Tengo… Hombre."

I laughed and laughed and fell on top of his sheets on his bed where he had studied, and buried my face and laughs in his pillows. I felt his fingers poke my side and my laughter increased, "Stop. Stop. Kendall! Stop!" I giggled uncontrollably.

He shook his head, showing no mercy and laughed evilly, "Not until you tell me why you're laughing."

"Okay! Okay!" I gasped, he stopped and I looked at his evil grin, his hands hovering over my sides; I took a breath, "Instead of I'm hungry you said… I have… A man." The laughter bubbled back up and I heard Katie fall to the floor and literally roll in laughter. My face hit the pillows once more as I laughed and laughed.

Kendall blushed, pouted, and buried his face into the pillow next to me. Soon, I quieted down and poked Kendall's side, "Hey," a giggle, "I'm sorry, Kendall. I didn't mean to laugh that hard..." he didn't move, "Kendaaaaallll. C'mon. Let's get some pizza." I lifted his head and captured his green eyes.

His lips were in a deep pout, the lower one jutting out, but he pushed himself off of the bed and walked out of his room stepping over the still-giggling Katie and down the stairs without a word. I grinned then lifted myself from the bed and helped Katie up.

Katie hopped down the stairs yelling for Kendall, and I realized something. I bit my lower lip, and blushed slightly, "Shit. You're really starting to like this guy…" I said to myself quietly, before following Katie down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I do not own Big Time Rush or anything like that. (Unfortunately.)**

**Rated T for language, rating will change later!**

**Thank you for all the reviews guys! They are all appreciated! :)**

**On with it now! **

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**–Michael Buckley.**

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><p>I walked into Spanish on Monday with a wide grin on my face, thinking about the weekend's events. After my sudden realization, I continued walking down the massive staircase and followed the Knights' voices to the kitchen. When I got there, Kendall was sitting at the bar, biting a slice of pizza, and when I smiled at him, he pouted viciously and shook his head.<p>

I giggled and Mrs. Knight asked, "How's it going with el español? Please Maria, help yourself to a slice of pizza."

I grabbed a paper plate from the stack on the counter then slid a slice of pizza onto the paper plate. I sat on the bar stool next to Kendall and took a bite.

"I was only teasing," I nudged him playfully. He didn't react so I gave him by best puppy dog look, jutting out my bottom lip, and batting my eyelashes. His face softened into a smile after a moment then pushed my side playfully.

"You're mean," he said.

I swallowed the bite of pizza and went, "What? It's true! Tengo hambre is I'm hungry, con una 'a'." He gave me a look, then guzzled down his pizza.

Now, in Spanish, I sat next to him as he was scrambling to do the last bit of homework we didn't go over on Saturday. He was flustered, hair messy as if he'd been running his hand through it repeatedly. I on the other hand was coolly taking my Spanish book out and doing the homework (at a quicker rate) with him. When I finished, I handed him my paper just as the teacher started talking.

"Just this once. " I said as he took it and started scribbling down the answers.

His eyebrows furrowed, "How come you get to do the homework in class."

"Porque yo he tenido una 'a' en esta clase desde el primer dia. De mi primer ano."

Kendall looked at me blankly, I could practically see my words going in one ear and out the other, then he said, "… I get your point." I laughed and turned my attention back to the teacher.

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><p>The bell rang just as I finished the last part of the Spanish activities the teacher assigned. I glanced at Kendall while I was packing up, and saw that he was struggling with the "usted" command form. He finally gave up and shoved his book into his backpack. I walked out with him in silence until we reached his friends.<p>

"Hey guys, what's up?" Logan asked cheerfully.

Kendall groaned and complained," I'M FREAKING OUT! I'm going to fail my Spanish test tomorrow, and then the class, and then I won't be able to do hockey-!"

I squeezed his arm lightly to stop him from continuing on with this slippery slope, and then thought about what I needed to do that day before I said, "Do you want to study with me right now? I don't have to be home until 7, and you have my number just in case you want to go over anything tonight."

James said, "Dude! You said we'd hit up the mall to look for homecoming attire!"

Kendall screamed, "NOT FAILING SPANISH IS A LITTLE MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW, JAMES! WE CAN DO THAT LATER!"

I laughed as James took half a step back, and nodded, "Okay. But I need a ride to your house. My car is being fixed." The four boys started bursting with laughter and we walked to the parking lot.

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><p>I moved aside the various hockey gear and slid next to Kendall in the back seat of Logan's car. Carlos slid in to my right, and threw his backpack into the space in front of him. I put my own bag into my lap, and Kendall did the same with his.<p>

Logan had been apologizing since we got to the parking lot about the mess in his car, "My three best friends are pigs," he'd said to me as I opened the back door to the smell of sweaty socks and saw the floor littered in hockey items and old fast-food containers.

I scrunched my nose slightly," It's cool. I've seen worse, in my house. When my older brother used to live with us, his room was like a block of stink." As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I'd regret it. Thinking about my brother or the past in general silenced me the whole way to Kendall's house. Thankfully, no one pressed on about it.

I didn't like talking about my family. Thinking about my family tore open wounds that left me bleeding and crying. Figuratively, of course. The scar that runs from my ear to my neck is the only physical symbol of the pain I've been through. But it said so much, that is, if you knew me.

I shook my thoughts away and focused on the ride to Kendall's house. I noticed him looking at me then, and I gave him a wide smile. I knew how to fake happiness; I did it a lot in middle school. It became a habit to mask my pain and sadness from the people around me. I was an actress, it came easily. Now, I was apathetic to everything, only caring about leaving here for New York in the summer, with or without Iña and Nicole, like we planned. But plans can change, and I needed to leave, and soon.

When we finally reached his house I tumbled out of the car behind Kendall, thankful for the fresh air. We yelled goodbye and started for the door, but Kendall led me to the side and to the back door that opened with a click and we stepped inside.

"MOM?" Kendall yelled,"Maria is here to study for Spanish!"

No answer. Kendall and I stared at each other.

He asked, "What day is it today?"

"Monday…"

"Oh. Katie has Girl Scouts."

I looked at him incredulously, "Katie's in Girl Scouts? But she's so… assertive…?"

Kendall laughed, "Yeah, she hates it. But my mom forces her." I nodded, of course she would never willingly go to meetings with girls she deems "annoying" and "dumb".

Kendall and I then walked up the stairs from his kitchen, to his bedroom. When we got to his bedroom he turned around with a wicked grin on his face, I raised an eyebrow and his smile widened.

"I have a proposition for you." He said.

I looked at him for a moment, "Okay. What?"

He stepped closer, putting his hands on my waist and I looked up into his bright green eyes, my heart thumping in my chest as he said, "You know. You're really short." I nodded, glaring at him, he continued, "It's hot as balls. And I think we should swim for a bit before we study." It was at least 95 outside, and a swim would have been great except for one problem:

"Okay. Let me just pull a fucking bathing suit out of my ass."

"You can borrow my mom's!" he pleaded. His eyes grew desperate and he stepped closer still, and I caved. I held my hand out and huffed. He squealed and squeezed my waist slightly then ran to his mother's room.

He came back and chucked the bikini at me, then ran to his bathroom with a pair of swimming trunks in hand. I changed in a corner, away from the open window. I fumbled with the bikini, the top barely covering my chest, but since I already decided I wasn't going in the water, I didn't worry too much. Then, Kendall walked out of the bathroom.

I took in his sculpted abs and chest, and his disheveled hair, my heart once again thumping wildly. He had a towel around his neck and one for me on his arm. I grabbed the towel before I started to drool, and left it on the bed and headed for the door. He pulled me back and asked, "You're not going in the water?" I shook my head "no" and continued walking.

He walked in front of me and stopped me, "Well, that won't do." He lifted me up with eased and slung me over his shoulder. I started to protest, but he smacked my butt playfully. He jogged down the stair and through the house while I hung on his shoulders, glaring and pouting at the ground.

He held onto my legs and went, "Hmm. You have really soft legs."

I huffed, "Thanks. NOW PUT ME DOWN."

He opened the back door, walked the 50 feet to the pool and threw me in as I screamed. He jumped in after me and laughed. I treaded water, my feet barely touching the ground as I watched Kendall come closer before he splashed me.

We swam and splashed for 30 minutes or so until I climbed out and lied down on the ground next to the pool, legs still dangling in the cool water.

"I need to tan." I said, kicking his chest gently as he came over to tickle my feet, "And _you_ need to study for Spanish." He pushed himself out of the pool and lied down next to me.

The sun blazed above us, searing our skin and slowly evaporating the drops of water that was on our bodies. It was going to be colder soon, but only enough to where there could be no more beach runs or pool parties. That's what happened in California, though most of the time the hot weather stuck around until late- October, it had a mind of its on. Right then, you could almost feel the slight decrease in temperature as water slid off our bodies and onto the cement.

Our hands touched slightly, in between our bodies. My heart quickened for the god-knows-how many-times at the slight contact, then stopped for a moment when he laced his fingers with mine. It came back faster than ever, and I kept my eyes focused on the bright blue sky above us, not wanting him to come to his senses and let go of my hand.

I _loved_ the feeling of his hand in mine, but I couldn't shake the thoughts and pessimism in my hand telling me this meant nothing. And that it should stay that way. I was unstable, broken, prone to hard-heartedness and an even harder head. It's what I grew up with; it was the only thing I knew. My scar was proof of that. I didn't want to expose Kendall to my harsh reality. Why should I break his pure image of life?

Not answering my own question, I let go of his hand and pushed myself off the ground and headed for the house.

I opened the door, and finally looked at him, "We need to study."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I do not own BTR, Big Time Rush, or anything like that. **

**I just realized I'm finally catching up to where I've written this story on my paper… I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing… Hahahha.**

**I think the rating has officially changed! I will make it M just in case. :)**

**ON WITH IT!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**–Michael Buckley**

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><p>After we changed into our regular clothes, we got to work and splayed out onto Kendall's bedroom floor. By the time Mama Knight came home at around 6 with dinner from, his bedroom floor was barely visible under the sheets of paper and notecards. Kendall had thrown up his flash cards in frustration 20 minutes into our study session.<p>

Neither of us addressed the hand holding, and instead focused on the Spanish work in front of us. As soon as I tried to explain the future perfect tense to him, I could tell his brain shut down, and I saw the light in his green eyes burnt out.

"So basically, you use 'haber' and the 'pepe', past participle. When you do that you're saying, 'it will have…' blah blah blah," he groaned in confusion and right then, Mama Knight came in toting bags filled with food. I took a sniff and my mind strayed away from "haber" and "pepe" to the food in front of me.

"Hey kids. Here's your food," she looked at the mess in the room and stopped, "you're going to clean all of this up, Kendall Donald Knight."

"Yes Mom," he replied.

"Mama Knight, you didn't have to get me food-" I started

"-It's fine! You're helping Kendall, so I thought I should pay you back in some way," Mama Knight replied, "I got two cheeseburgers, three orders of fries, and thirty ketchup packets."

I looked at her in bewilderment and Kendall laughed, "I'm a growing boy!"

I shook my head and opened up the bag. My stomach growled and only then did I realize how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten much in the last few days. The only real food I got was the free lunch at school, and any food Iñ a or Nicole were willing to give me when I was at their house.

My father's job was a dwindling business in this deep recession, so the income that did come in was left for utilities and the rest he used for beer and various chip products. I didn't see or talk to him much because of his work schedule, and when I did see him nothing more than a "hello" was exchanged between the two of us; he was either drunk or about to be. I didn't want to deal with him in either of those situations, so I would then lock myself up in my room with my laptop, music and the various scripts from the theatre room.

I remember the day I bought my laptop. I had saved up for 3 months during various tutoring sessions and baby-sitting, and saved up birthday money. Last year, when I turned 17, my father's mother passed away and left me a whopping 1,000 dollars. Unfortunately, because of the lack of support my father gave, most of it went to food for the house and utilities until I only had two hundred dollars left, which I set aside for my laptop.

Sometimes, a check would come in from my mother. No return address, barely her name scrawled out on the top left corner. Where ever she was with my baby brother, I appreciated that she would send me some money to take care of myself and my father. My father and my mother loathed each other. Because of this, my father and I had an understanding; he gave me my mail, and in return, I gave him his space, and I stopped caring whether or not he fed himself. I took care of myself, and no one else. I relied on no one but myself. I had been since the 8th grade.

This was part of the reason why I didn't want to fall for Kendall. I was afraid to rely on anyone but myself, I was an independent girl and I wanted to stay that way. I didn't want to hurt him if we ever got close. I didn't want him to worry whether or not I was getting fed or getting hit. And I certainly didn't need his help. I could do everything by myself.

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><p>After we finished our food, I reviewed vocabulary and different irregular verbs one last time before I asked Kendall to take me home. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want him to see what kind of environment I lived in, but I missed my bed; the warm sheets were the only solace I had in my entire house, and I was <em>exhausted<em>.

He drove me to my house, following my directions carefully into a neighborhood that was nowhere near as glamorous as Kendall's. But, as long I had somewhere to sleep, I was fine.

When Kendall pulled up to my house, I saw my father's car parked in the driveway, something unusual for this hour. He was usually at some bar two cities away; this couldn't be good. I gulped silently, this not going unnoticed by Kendall.

"Everything okay?" he asked, following my eyes to the house.

I turned to face him and said, "Yes. Of course. Thanks. Tell your mom I said thank you again for everything. I'll see you tomorrow." I smiled and opened the door, my stuff in hand. I heard him drive away as I pushed the door open to my house. As quickly as I could, I walked up the stairs to the right of the front of the door, headed to my room at the top of the stairs.

I put my stuff down, then heard my father coming up the stairs, screaming something I couldn't understand. I stared in horror at the door, fearing what was coming next.

He stormed into my room, slamming the door open with a loud bang, "MARIA? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? I COME HOME TO HAVE A NICE FUCKING DINNER WITH MY DAUGHTER, AND YOU'RE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN," by this time, my father was inches away from my face, the smell of beer coming out from his mouth.

I stood in shock before replying quietly, "I was helping my friend Kendall with Spanish."

"A FRIEND? WHO? YOUR BOYFRIEND? DID YOU FUCK HIM? IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE DOING? YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FUCKING MOTHER. A FUCKING WHORE. A WHORE!" he yelled in my face. I was shocked, and hurt. He called me a whore, for no reason at all. He was always so irrational, it made me angry, but at that moment, I couldn't do anything except fight the tears that threatened to spill over.

I shook my head, "No, dad, we're only friends!"

"TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH! HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW IF I WAS LYING? YOU NEVER PAY ENOUGH FUCKING ATTENTION TO ME TO KNOW WHO I AM. YOU DRINK, AND DRINK, AND THAT'S ALL YOU DO. YOU DON'T GIVE A _FUCK_ ABOUT ANYTHI-."

I felt his hand strike me across the face, stinging and painful. His fist met my face repeatedly; bursting the blood vessels in my nose, and then pushed me into the desk he backed me into during our exchange. My spine cracked into the edge, and I slid down to the floor, bleeding. He stormed out of the room without a word.

I heard him walkout the front door, turn his car on, then drive away. Tears slid down my face, coming faster and faster as I pushed myself off the floor and walked into my bathroom. I wiped my bleeding nose as I turned the shower on, my tears mixing with the water as I turned the knob.

I stripped down and refused to look at myself or at the bruises that covered my body in the mirror. I touched the bruise that was now forming on the left side of my face, wincing slightly at the contact. I stepped into the shower and sighed as the hot water pulsed into my back and unwound every tight muscle in my body.

My tears eventually stopped and I focused on the scalding hot water that was running over my body. Slowly, I began to relax, and I pushed the moments that occurred minutes earlier out of my mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I do not own Big Time Rush, Toyota, or whatever else in here that could be copyrighted. **

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in over a week. I was away on a cruise to Mexico last week, and it's been busy since! **

**But here's a new post now! It's a long one too! :) I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes; I was doing 98098 things at the same time. Haha. **

**ON WITH IT!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it."**_** –Michael Buckley**

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><p>I woke up the next morning with a headache from the crying I'd done the night before. I got up from my bed and instinctly grabbed the theatre make-up from my bathroom to cover up the purple mark near my eye. Thanks to the pounds upon pounds of ice I rested on my eye last night, the swelling wasn't noticeable.<p>

I walked to the bathroom mirror, and for the first time saw how badly my dad hit me. He hadn't abused me this much since the 8th grade, and even then it wasn't supposed to happen that way… The purple bruise marked from the inner corner of my eye to the middle of my cheek. I rubbed the wedge into the foundation, then applied it to my cheek. I grimaced a little from the pain.

I hated applying that much make-up on outside of theatre, but I didn't want anyone- even Iñ a and Nicole- to question me about it. My home life was not something I liked to discuss openly, or often. Or ever. Ina and Nicole knew what I went through, but they never bugged me about it. They never questioned when I showed up to either of their house, and simply lied down in their bed without a word, just tears and maybe a bruise here or there. Luckily, these occurrences didn't happen often because of the lack of interaction between my father and me; and for that I was grateful.

Most people would think they were terrible friends or something, but they were the best. They understood what I went through, and they understood the fact that I didn't want to talk about it. They knew they couldn't do much except for be there for me when I needed them. And they were.

I dressed myself in shorts next and a loose shirt; anything remotely tight would be uncomfortable for the bruises on my torso. I checked my make-up once more to ensure myself that I was cleverly disguised into a normal girl, with a normal life.

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><p>I successfully went through the day fooling everyone into thinking my face, and my sanity was intact. After the bell rang signaling the end of 6th period, I was surprised to see Kendall already in his seat in Spanish. He was drumming his fingers nervously on his knee, and his eyes were shifty and filled with anxiety. I sat in my seat then turned to him, "Kendall. Calm down. You'll be fine."<p>

He looked at me and half-yelled, "No! I'm going to fail! Oh god! I won't be able to play hockey! And my mom will kill me!"

I grabbed his face in my hand, shushing him as his cheeks squished between my fingers, "Silencio chico! Me estas poniendo frustrada! Vas a hacer bien! Relajate!"

He nodded, "Okay."

After the class began, the teacher handed us our tests and we began. I flew through the test, only struggling once, because I read the question wrong, then finished the entire thing in about 10 minutes. Kendall, however, worked until two minutes before the bell rang. He tapped his fingers on his knee the whole time, earning a quiet smack or two on the arm from me, and "shushes" from others around us.

I didn't understand why he was worried. We reviewed yesterday afternoon, last night, and during lunch, as weird as that was for me. I felt so out of place, and people were looking at me weirdly. This was the reason Iñ a, Nicole, and I chose to lock ourselves in a classroom away from our obnoxious peers.

On top of the incessant annoyance emitting from all around me, Jo Taylor and her friends glared at me while Kendall and I studied. I raised my eyebrow at them, and they all turned away, embarrassed. Jo's best friend, Camille, was the only girl not giving me the stink eye, since we were both in theatre and we both shared a passion for acting. I couldn't understand why Jo was glaring at me with so much energy; Kendall and Jo had broken up over 6 months prior, and it's not like Kendall and I were doing anything remotely intimate. Spanish is a romance language, but not when you're surrounded by hundreds of adolescents with no manners whatsoever.

The bell rang snapping me from my thoughts and I followed Kendall out the door. "That wasn't too bad, huh?" I asked, when we reached the outside.

"For you." He replied, frowning.

I stuck my tongue out, "Shush. I'm sure you did fine. " He poked my stomach playfully and stepped closer to me.

"Nyeeehhh. Stop." I whined, as he poked me repeatedly. I smacked his hand away giggling, head-butting his chest softly in attempt to get him farther away from me. He placed his hands on my waist firmly, pulling me closer. I fought a grimace from where he touched my bruises on my stomach-area; I was doing fine with the pokes until then.

Then, his hand came up to my face and his thumb grazed over my bruised eye. I flinched and winced, stepping back, trying to avoid the look on his face. His expression went from confusion, to shock, to worry in a matter of 3 seconds.

He grabbed my hand and turned me to face him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Of course! My eye… I just rubbed it too hard… I'm fine." I replied immediately, stammering a little.

"But I wasn't caressing your eye. I was caressing your cheek… Are you okay?" he demanded again.

I nodded, "Of course. I just… woke up one night and my arm fell asleep. So when I tried to move it around above me, gravity rook hold and my arm landed on my eye." I looked down sheepishly hoping he wouldn't catch my lie.

He lifted my chin and captured my eyes with his bright green ones, "Is everything okay, Maria?" At that moment, the look of genuine worry and care in his eyes made me almost tell him everything. That my dad had been abusing me since my mother left when I was in the fourth grade, that my family was broken beyond repair… That _I_ was broken beyond repair. I was almost ready to jump into his arms and cry about everything, suppressed feelings out on display. Almost.

Instead, I looked down and replied, "Yeah. I'm used to it. I'm fine. " He took a moment to process my words, then sighed. His arms wrapped around my waist and he hugged me tightly. "You know, if you ever need anything, I'm here for you," I felt him murmuring into my hair. I melted into his arms and inaudibly sighed at the comfort.

We stayed like that for a moment until we heard Logan, James, and Carlos coming towards us. We let go and I turned to face the other three boys. They were all toting hockey sticks, with duffel bags slung at their sides.

Logan handed Kendall his own bag and hockey stick, "Hey. Ready to hit the rink?"

Kendall nodded excitedly our earlier exchange seemingly already forgotten, "Yes! So ready! I need to unwind after that Spanish test," I rolled my eyes at this and he noticed, "hey. You can't even talk, Miss I'm-so-awesome-at-Spanish."

I stuck my tongue out at him again and began walking away, but was stopped when I heard Kendall say, "Hey! Do you wanna come watch? We'll have room in the car, and we could grab some food after. Come on. It'll be fun. "

"Yeah. How often do you get the chance to see four guys beat each other up?" Logan chimed in.

I laughed and thought to myself, _hey, maybe it'll be fun. And plus, you'll be away from your father. _I nodded and agreed, "Okay. I'll follow you guys in my own car. I had picked it up from my neighbor that morning before school; I couldn't afford to bring it to a real shop, and my neighbor was a retired man who loved to work on cars. Sort of a late-life crisis. He was sweet, and he looked after the neighborhood like a hawk.

James stepped forward then and asked, "Can I hitch a ride with you, then? I hang out with them _way_ too much in that car."

"Sure."

We parted ways, Logan, Carlos, and Kendall heading to the smart one's car, and James and I heading to mine. I unlocked the doors to my rundown Corolla when we reached it in the parking lot and got into the car. My black '97 was not in the greatest condition, but it worked, and that's all that mattered.

Sometimes the radio buttons would stick, and the glove compartment never closed fully, but I didn't care. Like most everything I owned, I paid for myself, and as long as the car had a working air conditioner, I was happy. James sat next to me then, and I realized how awkward this was going to be. I didn't talk to him much, only after school for a bit with Kendall.

I started the car and followed Logan's car as I spotted it a few feet away. It was silent in the car for the first few minutes on the way to the rink until, "So… You and Kendall?"

I gave James a sideways glance before asking, "What about Kendall and me?"

I turned radio on, keeping the volume low as he answered, "What's going on with you two?"

"Umm… " I stammered, "We're just friends. Why?"

"Stay to the right," James pointed, "Just friends, huh? You two spend a lot of time together, he invited you to lunch. Last time he did that was when he met Jo. Odd thing is, he looks at you differently. I've never seen Kendall look at anyone like does to you."

I kept my eyes on the road and swallowed, "It's just tutoring and stuff, for Spanish. We're just friends, nothing more. I don't know what you're talking about." I couldn't help the excitement and fear fluttering in my stomach at the possibility of Kendall liking me. But in my mind, I knew it would never work out. I had to keep telling myself that, I could not allow myself to become more vulnerable than I already was. How could I ever trust some boy to make me happy, when I couldn't even trust my own father? Love-or the illusion of it- would create more problems that I did not have to deal-

"He likes you," James' voice cutting through my reverie, "he may not tell you, or even us and Logan, Carlos, and I have known him since the dawn of time. But we know him. I just want to if you like him too. I want to protect my friend now, before he has to live with heartbreak. I sound harsh, but he's my best friend."

My grip tightened on the steering wheel as I turned to follow Logan, the sight of the hockey rink building coming into view. I took a breath and replied, "My feelings for him are unexplainable, even to myself. "

I parked next to Logan and turned off my car, keeping my eyes to the front of the car, "I'm not in any state to be in a relationship right now." I finally turned to face James as he nodded.

"Well. Don't let Kendall wait too long. When he really wants something, he doesn't back down until he gets it. He's charming, I'm sure you know that. And he's a good guy. That might be hard to believe especially because of the place we live in, but it's true. You just have to trust him." James opened the door and followed Carlos and Logan to the entrance. I sat in my car for a moment and thought to myself:

_What made James say those things to me? Were my affections really that obvious? Was my fear? I wanted so badly to trust in Kendall like James said, but how could I? The only thing I knew was to trust no one but yourself. The term "daddy-issues" was a deep understatement, and I knew that I had to let go of those ideas. But I didn't know how. Or rather, I couldn't let myself let go, to forget. The only time I was capable of forgetting everything was when I was with-"_

Kendall tapped on my window lightly and asked, "You ready?"

I looked up at him, into his bright, happy, green eyes and replied, "I think so."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I do not own BTR, Big Time Rush, or their characters.**

**AH! I'm so sorry for not updating in such a **_**long**_** time! I've been busy with finals and school and everything. And I had a massive case of writer's block for a little while but I'm here now! **

**Let's get on with it!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it."**_** – Michael Buckley**

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><p>I opened the front door to my house quietly, hoping my father was either asleep or gone. I stood at the doorway for a moment, a finger to my lips, looking up at Kendall. I listened closely for any signs of my father.<p>

When all was quiet, I let out a breath, "Okay. I need to get my wallet from my room then we can meet up again with the guys. Where are we eating, anyway?"

"Umm. I think we're going to In 'n Out or something," Kendall looked around and asked, "you have no pictures. Why?"

I looked at him, gesturing to the stairs, "Come upstairs. And, I don't have any. I wouldn't want pictures anyway." We walked up the stairs and walked into my room.

"Okay…"

I grabbed my wallet from my bed and turned to him. I stopped and saw him staring at the destruction from my father's actions last night. I'd forgotten to pick up the pieces that fell from my desk after I was thrown violently into it.

I moved to pick up the pieces, but Kendall stopped me. He spun me around and looked into my eyes. His eyes were dripped in confusion and worry. "What happened?" he asked. I looked into his eyes for a moment before stepping away. I walked into my bathroom and grabbed my towel from where I had left it on the floor. I began taking off the make-up covering the bruises on my face. I walked back with the stained towel and showed him the mark.

He gasped quietly and stepped closer to me, "Who?"

I looked down before replying, "My father."

He reached his hand to my chin, lifting my head to face him, his thumb running over my bruise gently. A look of disdain and worry shined in his eyes. He leaned down and kissed where my father had struck me the night before.

I leaned away after his lips left my cheek, and I asked breathlessly, "What was that for?"

"To make it feel better." He chuckled.

"Oh. Okay."

Then, he dipped his head down and captured my lips with his. The little breath I had left in my body escaped my lips as he kissed me. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands left my face and encased my waist in warmth. I leaned into him more and more, standing on the tips of my toes, wanting to lose myself in the feeling of his lips.

He pulled back then, my eyes opening slowly as he leaned his forehead against mine, "I've been wanting to do that since the beginning of the year."

My cheeks became rose-tinted and I smiled in reply, kissing his cheek, "C'mon. James, Carlos, and Logan are waiting for us.

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><p>I thought the kiss that happened the previous night would solidify my feelings for Kendall and the entire situation between us. It did just the opposite. My head was filled with questions: <em>What did this mean? Are we going out? Should I ask what's going on? Should I ask him out on a date? Should I even do <em>anything_? Maria, stop thinking and just let things happen as they happen!_ And a whole bunch of other inquiries manifested themselves in my mind as I sat in Spanish class the next afternoon.

Last night had been so much fun, eating animal fries and cheeseburgers, especially with four boys. I watched in half-disgust, half-awe, as Carlos inhale a 4 by 4, his animal fries, and half of Logan's in less than 5 minutes. The others laughed and jeered and got along well. And neither Kendall nor I brought up the kiss, even when I was dropping him off. Luckily, there was no awkward tension between us either. Everything felt _normal_.

But, now, it was Spanish and that meant interacting with Kendall, in one of the romance languages no less. Considering I was thoroughly against romance and fluff, and preferred raw feelings or sexual contact (more of the latter, usually) over dinner dates at fancy shmancy restaurants or long walks on the beach.

He sat down next to me then, and we exchanged hellos. In my favor, the next 50 minutes or so were filled with working and learning, so we didn't have any time to discuss the past night's events.

My phone rang in my pocket as I gathered my things after the bell rang. I told Kendall I'd wait for him outside and he nodded.

"Hello?"

"**Hey Maria! Are we going to hang out today?" **I heard Ina say.

I smiled, "Yeah. I'll meet you at your house in like 30 minutes. I have to do some stuff."

"**Okay. Well, Nicole and I will go now. Bye!"** I hung up as I watched Kendall walk out of the door with a giant goofy grin on his face. I looked at him quizzically and squeaked slightly as he picked me up and proclaimed, "I GOT A 95 ON MY QUIZ! I CAN PLAY HOCKEY! ALL THANKS TO YOU!"

I laughed at his excitement, "Good job! I knew you'd do fine!"

"I'm so happy right now, I could kiss you!"

"Well why don't you? You already have!" I said jokingly, then immediately slapping myself in my mind as soon as the words left my mouth.

He put me down then, and in all seriousness asked, "Really?"

"If you want to…" my heart quickened as he stepped closer and held my chin.

His eyes bore into mine as he continued, "I'm going to kiss you now."

"Kay…"

I felt his lips on mine suddenly, and I took two steps closer to him, my hands finding the back of his neck, his hands coming into my hair, pulling my face closer to his. The sweet, innocent kiss soon became fiery and passionate, his tongue sliding over my bottom lip, begging for entrance… Until we heard someone clearing their throat behind us; we pulled away from each other and turned towards the sound, and saw three grinning hockey heads.

James asked then, "So. You gonna hang out with us today, Maria?"

I stepped back from Kendall and replied, "Actually, I think I'm hanging with the girls today. I miss them," I looked at Kendall before saying, "text me later?

He nodded, smirking and I walked towards the parking lot beaming.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Oh goodness! I'm sorry I haven't updated! I got so lazy! My bad, it's summer, can you blame me? ;) **

**Anyway! Here's the update! I hope you guys like it, I got stuck for a little bit here, ****but**_**soon**_**, this will get heated up and ca-raaaazy. :D **

**NOW! On with the story! (BTW, someone pointed out that I did not write whether or not Maria put on her make-up again before going to hang out with the other boys, let's just say she did. Lol. Sorry for the story-lapse!)**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**–Michael Buckley**

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><p>I pulled up to Ina's house, trying to wipe off the smile that stained my mouth. This was not something I did. I did not kiss or have any sexual relations with someone and <em>smile<em> afterward. Well, maybe in the three seconds or so of post-euphoria after a much needed orgasm, I would smile. But never a _kiss_; let alone from some hockey-head. I was becoming weak! I felt like I was turning into the very type of person that Ina, Nicole and I mocked.

So, I walked into the house with a fake scowl and proceeded in trying to feel apathetic and soulless like before Kendall came around. I mumbled a "hey" to the two girls before I plopped down on Ina's bed and Nicole stared at me, a certain look on their faces.

"What?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Nothing!" the quipped together.

Nicole then asks, "So. How've you been, stranger?"

"Yeah. We haven't seen you in forever, you've ditched us for the pucks." Ina added.

I shook my head, "No, no, no… I've only hung out with them like twice!"

"Lies," Nicole said, "since you started tutoring Kendall, a _month_ ago, I haven't seen you!"

"It's been like… Three weeks, what are you talking a-?" I felt a soft pillow collide with my face and I fell back onto the bed, laughing uncontrollably, "WHAT was that for?"

"We miss you slut!" Ina yelled, laughing too.

I laughed more, "I miss you too. I'm sorry, guys. I just- Kendall is so- I've gone _weak._"

They nodded, "We know."

"But it's okay. I think you deserve a nice guy like him, even if he is a hockey-head." Nicole said.

Ina interjected, "Yeah, I don't you sleeping around anymore just to feel special for 15 minutes."

I frowned, "I don't do that…"

"Yes you do."

I then remembered maybe 3 guys who I only spoke to when I got horny, all from different schools. I really only saw them (slept with them) once or twice, I wasn't as big of a slut as my friends made me out to be. But I did feel horrible for practically using them. "Oh goodness. I guess I do."

They laughed matter-of-factly.

"Oh my god I'm such a slut!"

Nicole's eyes went wide and she yelled, "YOU LET HIM TOUCH THE HOLIEST OF HOLIES?"

Another pillow to the face, "What? NO! God, we barely kissed last night! Jesus!"

Ina and Nicole relaxed noticeably and nodded in approval. I giggled and laid my head down on the bed again. I sighed, "Guys. He's so sweet. And sexy. And his lips are really soft. And he _genuinely_ cares about me."

Ina said, "He better. But what? Are you guys together now or something?"

I shook my head, "We haven't really talked about that yet. But I don't care. He's cute, he's smart, and he's a really good kisser. I don't see the need in labeling anything."

"Yeah. But what if he does? Do you want a boyfriend? " Ina prodded.

I stared at the ceiling and thought about her question. _Did I want a boyfriend?_ The last real boyfriend I had was Wally Dooley, and _that_ ended in a big time disaster after he turned into "Wayne-Wayne". He thought he was a badass, tough shit, when in reality, he was whipped like cream. I guess I "broke his heart" when I broke up with him. But only Ina and Nicole knew that I'd only done it because my father was drinking more and more, started yelling more and more, started caring about me less and less. I didn't want Wally-turned-Wayne-Wayne to do something stupid like confront my dad, 9even though he was one of the biggest cowards I knew).

"Hey! Earth to Maria!" Nicole waved her hand in front of my face, breaking me from my memory.

I turned to face the two of them and smiled, "I think I do."

* * *

><p>Three weeks passed, and Kendall and I still hadn't discussed out "relationship". We spend a lot of time together, kissing, but never making it pass first base. I spent most of my time in his house with Katie and Mrs. Knight. It was the only place I ever felt truly welcome (besides from Ina's and Nicole's houses). Often times, I'd walk in through the back door, greet Mama Knight or Katie shortly then head to Kendall's room to watch T.V., watch him play guitar, work on Spanish, or even just lie in his bed with him, talking or napping.<p>

It was getting closer and closer to the holidays, (we stayed in and passed out candy on Halloween while Katie conned kids _and parents_ out of candy with Mama Knight), and Kendall pulled his comforter out of the closet and prepared for colder weather.

As time went by, hours spent in his bed, talking and cuddling, two things became very apparent to me; one: I knew exactly what I'd get him for Christmas, and two: the sexual tension building up between us was getting unbearable.

A couple of days before Thanksgiving, Mama Knight and Katie left to buy food for the big dinner that Thursday. Kendall and I were in his room, the house to ourselves. We were kissing, on his bed, my hands tangled in his hair as he hovered over me. His tongue dipped into my mouth, his taste enveloping my tongue. I moved my hand down to the hem of his shirt and tugged upward, our lips detaching only so he could discard his white v-neck. He moved his hand under the blue flannel he lent me, his hands gripping my waist, sending a buzz through my body, making my core hot and wet.

He moved his lips to my neck, as my hands grazed over his abs, then made my way over to the growing bulge in his jeans. I rubbed his erection through the fabric, feeling him groan against my neck. My hands hovered back up, to the button of his jeans.

I moved to unbutton his jeans, both of us breathing heavily-

"Kendall! Maria! Come help with the groceries!" Mama Knight yelled.

I groaned in frustration, trying to ignore the moisture in my panties, as he rolled off of me. He laid himself down next to me for a moment, and I moved my head onto his chest, his lips touching the top of my head.

I laughed, "You wind me up, Kendall."

He looked down, "Hey. You're telling me," gesturing at the bulge in his jeans. He sat up, fixing his jeans to hide his now dwindling erection. I pushed myself off of the bed and moved behind him, kissing his shoulders, and handing him his white v-neck.

"Let's go help my mom," he said as he stood, "we can continue this soon."

Unfortunately, after that, no further encounters happened, with school and his hockey games in the way. Also, Mama Knight spent every moment at the house, decorating and prepping for the holidays.

The day before Thanksgiving Mama Knight asked me, "What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Maria?"

I continued cutting the carrots for tomorrow's dinner and replied easily, "What I've been doing on Thanksgiving since the 8th grade, watching a movie, and stuffing my face with popcorn." My cutting became rapid as I ended my answer, the frustration evident in my voice, and Mama Knight reached over and stopped my hand.

"Hey. What's wrong?" she asked, concern in her voice.

Without looking up from the carrots, "Nothing."

She walked over to me, "No. Yes there is. Talk. Don't lie either."

"Really. I just like being by myself on holidays. And no one is ever around anyway." I replied, finally looking up and into her concerned eyes. It wasn't a complete lie. I did like being by myself, and no one was ever around. My father found holidays an excuse to drink even more.

"You know you mean a lot to Kendall, so you mean a lot to me. We're here for you."

I smiled, "Thank you."

She patted my hand and continued with her original point, "So. Would you like to spend Thanksgiving with us tomorrow?" All of my nieces and nephews will be there, and you won't have to be by yourself."

I thought for a moment, returned to cutting carrots and replying, "I think I will come. Thanks."

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><p><strong>Blah ending! Sorry! Next update will come sooner! I promise! :D<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello Readers! **

**I'm sorry I haven't updated, I've been so lazy. I apologize! **

**I saw Big Time Rush in concert on Friday, and I died a little, so that's part of it. Haahaha. **

**Here's an important chapter for you guys. Kind of. I feel like it's shit, but idk. D:**

**Oh, and thank you to my friend, Ailish who helped me with some of the ideas in the first part of the chapter! :D**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it.**_**" – Michael Buckley**

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><p>The day after Thanksgiving was much, <em>much<em> quieter than the holiday. Thanksgiving Day at the Knight household, though not completely packed with people, was busy and loud. Only Mama Knight's sisters, Jacquelyn and Jasmine, brought their children to the day-long celebration.

I arrived at the house at around 11 in the morning, ready to help Mama Knight if needed, only to find that her sisters had arrived early that morning and were now helping with the turkey dinner.

"Oh! Maria! Come meet my sisters!" Mama Knight gestured toward the two women who were so similar to Mama Knight, the eldest of the three. Jacquelyn and Jasmine had the same reddish-brown hair and bright eyes that their older sibling had. Though even Mama Knight didn't look her age, the two sisters looked clearly younger, despite their real age; the three were each only two years apart.

After shaking hands and other niceties, Mama Knight shooed me away from the kitchen and up to Kendall's bedroom to meet Kendall and his cousins. When I got into the room, I noticed two things: one, Kendall's cousin's ranged from three to fourteen; and two, they were all hyper.

The youngest, a very cute tyke named Landon with the same red-brown curls as his mother Jasmine's was, at that moment, about to fall from Kendall's bed. The most surprising thing about the whole situation, however, was that no one was paying attention. Kendall and his cousins, Josh, a high school freshman, and Anjela, a 7th grader were huddled around Kendall's guitar, not even looking up as I walked into the room. They seemed to be jumping in their seats almost, and the energy in the air was palpable.

However, when I spotted the three year old, jumping very close to the edge of Kendall's queen sized bed; I squealed from terror and practically flew myself at him, pulling him closer to the middle of the bed. Landon giggled uncontrollably at the sudden, but gentle, force. Kendall looked up from his guitar at that moment and smiled at me.

"I see you've met Landon," Kendall proclaimed, "he's so hyper. I should have been paying attention. Come meet Aunt Jackie's kids, Anjela and Josh."

I made sure Landon was safe in the middle of the bed, and then made my way to the three as Kendall introduced me. "Happy Thanksgiving!" I said, as Kendall pulled me closer to his body and gave me a gentle kiss on my temple.

Josh said then, "Laurie should be paying attention, not us. Where is she?"

I looked at Kendall, wondering who Laurie was. "She's Landon's older sister. She's 8 and probably following Katie around like a puppy. Katie is her idol." Kendall explained. I laughed at the thought of Katie being able to tolerate anyone her age, let alone younger, but I guess it was different with family.

Kendall then returned to playing his guitar for his cousins, and Landon finally got tired of jumping and wandered around the house, with me trailing behind him occasionally making sure he wasn't harming anything, including himself. Landon and I got along very well; he was very giggly and happy. He was also very distracted. He never stayed in any part of the house for too long before getting bored and finding something else to play with.

The whole day went on like this, and I loved it. I realized that I missed being around people, and being in an environment where there was genuine care and love in the air.

After the delicious dinner that Mama Knight and her sisters prepared for us, I was looking for Landon after he had exclaimed, "Catch me!" and tottered off with all of the energy he had left, when I passed the kitchen.

"… So is Maria your girlfriend?" one of Kendall's aunts asked. I froze at the sound of my name, and my ears honed in to the conversation, as I hid behind the wall.

"No," I heard Kendall reply," we haven't talked about anything like that."

"Why not?" the other aunt asked.

Kendall took a breath and said, "I don't know. She has a lot of stuff going on with her family, and school, and I just don't want to bother her about it…"

I bit my lip and took a breath. I was about to walk away when I heard Kendall again.

"I want her to be my girlfriend…"

My hand flew up to my mouth, trying to suppress the gasp and inevitable smile trying to escape as I ran from the kitchen up to his room. I laid myself down in his bed, completely forgetting about chasing Landon until the three year old bounded into the room and onto the bed next to me. Landon took a breath and lied next to me without moving; it was the most still I'd seen him the whole day.

I looked at him and asked, "Landon. Can you keep a secret?"

He looked at me for a moment, as if seriously contemplating this question, before nodding his head, "Yes."

"I really really like your cousin Kendall. And I want him to be my boyfriend." I whispered.

Landon blinked then said, "Okay!"

I laughed and hugged him. Eventually, he fell asleep next to me, and as I was about to drift off myself, Kendall walked into the room. He made his way to Landon and carried him carefully out the door. He came back after a minute and stripped down to his boxers. He climbed into bed next to me and brought his arms around me.

"Stay with me tonight." He said, more of as a statement than a question.

I nodded, "Okay," before kissing his lips and laying my head onto his bare chest. I lightly kissed the skin there as he took a breath.

He paused before saying, "I had so much fun today. I'm really glad you got along with everyone."

I smiled, "Why? Did you think they'd hate me or something?"

He laughed, "No. I have never seen anyone get along with my family that quickly or easily. Even the boys took some time to get used to Landon and my other cousins. But you, you were amazing, I barely saw you! You were with Landon the whole day. I was beginning to feel forgotten…"

I rolled my eyes at his pouting and kissed him, "I could never forget you."

"Oh yeah? Prove it."

"How?"

"Be my girlfriend."

I captured my bottom lip between my teeth before kissing his lips with as much passion as I could muster, "Of course."


	9. Chapter 9

**Yay! Another update! And a quick one too! **

**Hooray for Alice! :D **

**Warning: This chapter will contain some very very smutty goodness. ;) Hope you enjoy!**

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**–Michael Buckley**

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><p>I woke up the next morning to an empty bed, but before I could panic, Kendall was at the door yelling something to his mom, something that sounded like a goodbye. Then, a couple moments later, I heard two cars start and pull out onto the street. Kendall was still at the door, probably watching whoever it was leave the house. I checked the time on my phone: 5:30. <em>Why were they leaving this early?<em>

After about two minutes, Kendall climbed back into the bed, "Black Friday. They all went out to get the early deals on Christmas gifts." He pulled me into his chest, and I snuggled into the space there, "We have the house to ourselves."

"Hmm. Good observation, Einstein." I retorted playfully.

He pulled back and nudged me with his head, "You're so mean to me."

"Only because I like you."

He kissed me, capturing my lips with his own and I sighed into his touch. After a few gentle kisses, the room soon became hot and our lips were overcome with hunger and passion. He lifted himself over me and his hands began to roam over my body. His lips traveled from my own down to my lips and began nipping the sensitive skin there gently. I moaned quietly, running my fingers through his hair as he lifted my hips and spread my legs so he was in between them. His fingers trailed on the skin between the shirt I borrowed and my underwear. My skin tingled at the gentle contact and I sighed out his name.

His lips came back up mine and he forced his tongue into my mouth. I could feel the bulge in his boxers growing larger and harder against my now soaking panties. He lifted my shirt off of me, and ran his fingers over the soft flesh of my abdomen. He then palmed my breasts through the fabric which shot a buzz straight to my core. He unhooked the bra and let my D cups fall free from the confines of the fabric.

I groaned and arched my body into him as his mouth fell over the hard nub on my chest. I lifted my hips, desperate for any contact to my lower half and almost passed out at the feel of Kendall's clothed member against my own covered pussy. I was beginning to be more and more sensitive and the slightest touch made my brain shut down for that moment. He reached down after pleasuring my hard nipples and traced the soft flesh above my panties before tugging them down and off.

I know, I know you're probably thinking, _what the hell, Maria? You've only been his girlfriend for like 8 hours, and you're already going to have sex with him? Aren't you supposed to wait until you love him or something? You little slut!_

First off, fuck you, I'm not a slut. I want to be able have sex with a person because I want to, not because I feel like I have to because I "love" them all of a sudden. Sex is something that everyone does; it's a natural process of life. I go with it. But this doesn't mean I go around throwing my cat at everybody.* Fuck off; we all have our opinions about sex. Thank you. Anyway. Back to the good stuff.

He ran his fingers over my wet pussy and I trembled under the feel of it. He slowly pumped two fingers in, my hands grasping the sheets to keep me grounded. Kendall kissed my lips slowly, my body barely registering any sensations except for pleasure.

After adding another finger, and gently rubbing my throbbing clit with his thumb, I was done with the teasing. "Kendall. Fuck me. Now. Please." I whimpered.

He tugged off his boxers and revealed the member I'd been fantasizing about for the past three months. My jaw dropped when I laid eyes on the beautiful, pulsing, leaking, eight and a half inch appendage in front of me. I moaned just at the sight of it, needing it inside me. I scooted forward, and wrapped my lips around his cock, taking as much of it as I could. I sucked hard, earning a moan and a hand flying to my head, egging me on further. I bobbed my head around his cock, tasting him in every part of my mouth, the pre-cum bursting on my taste buds. Kendall then thrust into my mouth suddenly, choking me slightly before my throat relaxed around his length, then quickly pulled my head back and pushing me back onto the bed.

My pussy throbbed with want and I pulled him in a kiss roughly. I felt him throbbing against my thigh. My mind collapsed as his lips traveled to my neck one more, sucking and biting until I felt a bruise forming. "Please, baby, no more teasing…" I cried.

He then shoved himself inside me, with no warning at all, ecstasy filling my entire body. I gasped from the feeling of his length inside of me, my mind going completely blank, and only focusing on him. He pulled out of me completely before slamming back inside of me, setting a rough and forceful pace. My nails raked his back as his head fell into the crook of my neck, our hips meeting in a beautiful rhythm. His hands took hold of my hips, leaving more marks there as he savagely thrust into me over and over again.

My mind finally able to grasp something; a familiar feeling building in my stomach as his drives kept coming deeper and faster. "Fuck. Fuck. Kendall…" I moaned out, wrapping my legs around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer. He uttered my name numerous times, intertwined with blasphemous nothings, our breath mixing.

He crashed his lips onto mine once more before I screamed out in ultimate euphoria, the walls of my center clenching around his cock, coaxing him to a climax. Moments later, he muttered out something similar to my name, his head once again falling onto my shoulder, as we rode out our orgasms.

We lied there for a moment, breathing hard, our sweat glistening in the cool morning light. He kissed me gently, before pulling out and laying himself down next to me. Kendall wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "My god. That was… amazing."

I giggled and smiled, "I honestly think you're the best I've ever had."

"Well then that's good. You're mine, and no one else's. You got that?" He pressed his lips into my hair and I grinned widely.

"I got that. So long as you're mine too." I yawned, burying my face into his chest, already drifting off to sleep.

I felt him smile against my hair and he replied, "Of course."


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh my god guys, I'm updating so much, it's insane. HAHAHA.**

**I only got one review for my last chapter (Thank you btw, **_**child who is cool**_**.) Am I bad at writing smut? :(**

**This chapter takes a more serious turn, though. So the fun was awesome while it lasted. I personally think this is one of the most important chapters/parts in the entire story, because it reveals so much; you'll see. :D **

**Go ahead and read! **

"_**[Review] it even if you hate it." **_**– Michael Buckley**

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><p>A week after our first time, Kendall went with me to the mall to buy presents for my friends. I walked to the sports shop to buy Logan, Carlos, and James hockey gear, with assistance from Kendall, of course. After almost causing all of the helmets to fall to the floor, Kendall and I exited the store giggling nervously with bags in our hands. Ina and Nicole would have to wait for another trip to the mall so I could buy them their presents.<p>

We then went shopping for clothes for the New Year. I was obsessed with clothes, and I always found comfort in finding awesome things on sale, in any store.

After about 30 minutes of forcing Kendall watch me as I tried on several outfits (this proving a difficult task because _someone _couldn't keep their hands off of me as I tried on different shirts), my stomach grumbled audibly and I turned to him and said, "I'm hungry."

"I noticed," He chuckled, grabbing my hand, "then let's eat, my dear."

We reached the food court and ordered sushi form the Japanese restaurant and sat down. I was facing toward a table where a woman and a boy of about 10 were sitting. I dipped my California Roll into the saucer of soy sauce, my eyes still on the woman.

The woman stared back at me after a moment, with familiar eyes. Something about her was screaming, "_YOU KNOW THIS WOMAN!"_ Then it dawned on me. I stuffed the roll into my mouth, chewed, and swallowed quickly, "Kendall? Let's eat somewhere else. C'mon. Let's go." I moved and picked up my sushi and soy sauce, almost leaving the bags filled with items I just bought.

Kendall swallowed his own sushi and asked, "What? What's wrong?"

I huffed, starting to walk away, "Please, let's just-"

"Maria?" the woman asked, standing now.

Kendall stood, "Do you know her?"

"Of course I do," the woman answered before I could, "she's my daughter."

"What do you want" I asked sharply, Kendall keeping a hand on my arm.

My mother stepped forward, "I just want to talk… I miss you."

I scoffed, "Bullshit."

Kendall pulled me aside gently, and spoke, "Baby. I know she's been absent, and I know you don't like talking about her, much less, _to_ her, but she is your mother. Give her a chance."

Angry tears spilled from her eyes, "Why should I? She hasn't been my mother since I was 10."

"I understand. But she's here, right? She's trying to make amends." He tried.

I thought for a moment, then wiped away my tears and sighed, "Fine." I knew I had to do this, even if it was just for closure. He wrapped me in an embraced and pressed his lips softly to my forehead, a silent way of assuring me that everything would be fine. Then, we walked back over to my so-called-mother.

Before I spoke to her, I bent down to the boy, my brother David and asked, "Do you remember me?"

He nodded, "Yes. You're my sister."

I smiled, "Good. So. Do you wanna sit and talk?" this time, addressing my mother.

"Sure." She sat down, "who's your friend?"

"Hey David, meet my boyfriend, Kendall. He's really nice, go talk with him." I didn't want him to be around when we talked, it could get ugly.

My mother watched as Kendall high-fived him "hello" and they made their way away from the table, "I can see that he cares about you."

"I know. I know when people do, or don't care about me, mother." I replied with a sneer.

Ignoring this, she continued," How are you?"

I stared at her blankly now, "I'm fine."

"How's school?"

"Good."

"How is your fa-?"

"Why are you here?" I interrupted her.

She was taken aback, "I was-"

"Why, after _all these years_, did you decide to show up?"

"I didn't want to leave you- You have to understand-"

"Bull. Shit." I spat, "If you didn't want to leave me, you wouldn't have, _mother._ I'm your _eldest_. Why the fuck did you leave me with him? Huh? You _knew_ how he was- still is. A drinker, and _abusive. _Why?" tears stung my eyes, falling rapidly onto the sticky food court table.

The woman in front of me inhaled shakily, "I needed to get away. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to save David before he could get hurt too, and I knew you'd be strong enough to handle him-"

"I WAS _TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD._" I yelled, "I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH OF A CHOICE WHEN YOU LEFT. Shit, MA. I've been living _hell_ for the last seven years. Your piece of shit husband has hit me, spent all of his money on booze, and doesn't care that the electricity gets shut off unless he's watching his fucking T. V. I've had five different jobs to keep his sorry ass alive. And where were you? **Gone. **This scar, on my neck, something I see _every_ morning shows me that you left, and _I _had to pay for it."

My mother was sobbing, finding it hard to talk coherently, "B-b-but I'm here, n-n-now. I'm s-s-sorry. Give me a chance. Please."

I shook my head and stood up, "You had your chance when I was ten, it's too late." I walked over to Kendall, squeezing David's shoulder and kissing his cheek, grabbing my stuff from a nearby table.

I picked up my food that I was no longer hungry for and threw it into the trash. I looked at Kendall and pleaded, trying to ignore the stares from various passer-by-ers, "Can we please go back to your house now?"

He nodded in silent understanding, following behind me as I left my mother. David was standing next to her, his hand rubbing her back soothingly. I saw something on his face before I walked away: an apology.

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><p>We reached Kendall's car silently, our hands separating to walk to our sides of the car. We drove out of the parking structure, no words spoken, only tears spilling until the atmosphere of the day and the recent encounter became so overwhelming.<p>

I sobbed and cried, the tears running down my face incessantly. I felt Kendall interlock his fingers with mine, and kiss the back of my hand, "It's okay. It's okay." He cooed. I sobbed loudly in return for some time until my body became lethargic, I finally falling asleep.

The 20 minute drive from the mall to his house was lost in tears and sleep. From what Kendall told me, when we reached the house, I was in a deep slumber. I didn't remember him carrying me from his car and into his room with no problem, promising his mom that he'll explain later, if he wanted me too as he passed her. I didn't recall as he laid me down onto his bed, whimpering when I didn't feel his arms around me. My mind refused to replay the moment as I cried silently until Kendall followed suit, covering his body with his arms, wrapping me with complete comfort. Kendall explained that it was the only thing that stopped me from crying.

This was all relayed to me the next morning, when I woke up with the biggest pain behind my eyes and a very intricate pattern on my cheek from Kendall's sheets. Kendall's arms were still wrapped around my middle, his breath even against the back of my head. I looked at the time on my cell phone which was placed under my head: _7:35._ I slept for roughly 12 hours. A slumber lost in darkness, and no dreams. I turned to face Kendall, burying my face in his chest as he woke slightly.

He wiped the sleep from his eyes and kissed my hair, "Good morning, baby."

I smiled, "Good morning."

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Better than last night," I replied, looking up at him, "thank you. For everything. And I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

He shook his head, "No worries. I'm here for you."

I took a breath, "I feel like… I should talk about it. Once and for all. To get everything off my chest."

He smoothed his hand over the small of my back, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I think I _need _to."

"Maybe. But take your time, babe. I'll be here for a while."

I grinned and reached up to place a kiss on his lips. A moment passed, the only sounds in the room were out breaths and our beating hearts. True signs that we were alive. I knew that if I wanted to live even better, I needed to say everything I've ever wanted to say about my family, my parents, my life. I knew Kendall would be the one person who would understand and never judge me on my choices.

I exhaled every breath inside of my lungs and began, "My mom left me when I was 10. My father had just lost his job about two months prior, and decided to take up drinking as a replacement activity. At first, it wasn't too bad; the only real effects were that he always smelled like stale beer. But soon, my mother started complaining, which meant my parents started arguing.

I remember one night, my mom was complaining about the heat. We couldn't afford turning on our air conditioning. My dad blamed everything on my mom for not having a job; she was recently laid off, the company she used to work for still trying to convince our family that her being on maternity leave a year before had nothing to do with their decision. Of course, my mom rebuked that he had no right to talk, because he really didn't. Unfortunately, my dad didn't take this well, and it ended with my mom on the floor, blood dripping from her eyebrow from skimming the corner of the kitchen counter during her violent tumble.

David started crying, his two year old mind scared at seeing his mother in trouble. I picked him up and cleaned up the mess as my mother silently walked to the bathroom to clean off her scrape. It went on like this for several months, arguments brewing until my mom was on the floor, crying and/or bleeding. I always cleaned up after her, always soothed the baby too. Finally, she had enough.

One afternoon, I came home from school to a house with no more baby clothes, and a note on my bed that said, 'Sorry, my love' scrawled in my mother's handwriting. I didn't have time to react because my father had stormed into my room then and hurled me across the room in a fit of anger. It was the first beating I received."

Kendall's breath had been still and I saw a hint of tears in his eyes. I didn't realize I had been crying too, until I saw the wet marks on his chest. He had no idea what I had been through. Even though I had known him since we were toddlers, when everything was nice and nothing hurt.

I continued, "In 8th grade, I finally had enough. Though he had found another job, and had a somewhat steady salary, things were not better. I thought that if I could get my father to stop drinking, things would be fixed. But it wasn't that easy. One morning while my father slept in his room, I took the last beer bottle my father was nursing in his arms while he snored, set on throwing it away, then taking away his money. However, I wasn't counting on him waking up, but he did. I heard his footsteps thud toward the stairs, his voice booming, asking where his beer went. I ran faster down the stairs. He spotted me, and ran too; three steps down from the first floor, I felt a pair of hands shove into my back, attempting to grab the beer bottle.

The bottle left my hand, and sailed toward our wooden floors, me following quickly behind. The glass shattered as it met the floor, shards flying everywhere. My face landed in the sea of glass, one particular piece, piercing into the sensitive flesh of my neck. I screamed out in pain, while my father screamed for his beer. I dragged my body to the nearest bathroom, locked the door, and looked in the mirror. Tiny pieces of glass littered my neck and shoulder, one large piece running from my ear to the middle of my neck. I held my breath, and yanked the piece out, screaming in agony. The adrenaline pumping through my veins wasn't enough to mask the pain in my neck.

When I left the bathroom, a towel pressed to my neck to suppress the bleeding, my father was nowhere to be found. I walked as quickly as I could to the school and straight to the nurse's office. The nurse was kind enough to drive me to the hospital after I explained to her that I couldn't afford an ambulance. When asked, I explained to the doctors and police that it was an accident, my father was at work and knew nothing about it. Luckily, they stopped asking questions. They did call my father to pick me up after the stitches were set. Two weeks later, my father drove me again to get them removed. It was the only time I felt a glimmer of care from him since I was 9.

And now… Now I'm here, with this scar as a reminder of everything that has gone wrong in my life. I know that if my mother had stayed, or if she took me, I would not have this, this _thing_ on my face. I could have been pretty…" I cried into his chest some more before he lifted my chin.

I looked into his eyes, so full of care and assurance, and for once, I believed it when he said, "You are beautiful."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I do not own BTR. I wish I did, but… I don't. :( **

**SO! I'm sorry for not updating in so long, I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter, I feel really proud for writing it. Hahah. Here's another chapter for you guys. Just remember that this **_**is**_** a Rated M story, so there might be sex/violence/whatever you deem "Rated M" in these next chapters. Hope you like it!**

"_**[Review] it, even if you hate it." **_**–Michael Buckley**

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><p>The afternoon following the incident with my mother, I went home not knowing if I should tell my father. I had no way of know how he'd react if I did tell him. Or what would happen if he somehow found out.<p>

Kendall drove me home after bickering about my safety at home," You don't know how dangerous he is, babe." He argued as he leaned against his car in front of my house.

I stepped towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck hoping the kind gesture would reinforce my words, "I'll be fine. I promise that if anything goes wrong, I'll call you… Or the hospital," I giggled at his fear-ridden face and kissed the soft spot beneath his ear and whispered seductively," I'll call you if there are other problems only _you_ can help with…"

He shuddered slightly and his arms gripped me tighter, pulling our bodies together. My hip brushed against the slowly growing bulge in his jeans, and I kissed down his jaw line, down to his lips before pulling away and half grinning at his flustered expression.

"Okay. I have to go home and do some homework and clean and… Yeah." I rattled off a small portion of the list if things I'd neglected to do while I was hanging out with Kendall. I shuttled between my house and his to help with holiday things over the past few days. Mama Knight was a holiday fiend, decorating almost every inch of her house. Surprisingly, nothing ever looked tacky or over done. Everything was fashionable and perfectly balanced throughout the house. And also, since Thanksgiving was done, and Christmas was the next big thing, Kendall's mom was spending all of her time making sure she got the perfect presents for her children.

"Only you would have homework over Christmas break… Fucking AP Student…" Kendall joked, "Call me if you need me, okay?"

"I will." I replied turning toward my house.

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><p>A couple of hours later, in the middle of reading an article for English, I heard my father come in through the garage door. I walked downstairs slowly, not sure of what mood he'd be in. I walked into the kitchen behind him as he reached for a beer can in the fridge. He made no move to greet me except for a small grunt toward my direction as he sipped his beer.<p>

I leaned against the pantry door opposite of the fridge, the two of us standing in the awkward silence. Several moments passed, and the lingering awkwardness became too large to bear. Finally, I broke the silence as I said slowly, "I saw Mom today." I tried to gauge his reaction, looking at him closely, though my mind was begging to look anywhere but.

He sipped his beer, "And?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. She's still with David."

He chuckled darkly, "Of course. That's her baby. She loves him more than she ever loved you."

"She says she wants me to take me with her." I replied, ignoring his comment.

He crushed the can in his hand in a fit of sudden anger and seethed, "No. She can't take you. You're mine. She didn't want you then, why the fuck would she want you now? I bet all she wants from you is money, you're just a meal ticket!" He strode over to me in two steps, grabbed my arm in a vicious grip, and then threw me on the ground.

"You're stupid, and nobody else wants you. You're a whore like your mother. I don't even think that David is my kid. No one will ever love you. "He sent a devastating kick to my stomach, and blackness took over.

I woke up sometime later, on the kitchen floor, a deep, sinking pain in my stomach. I dragged myself up, against the pantry door, trying to regain some kind of balance. I trudged myself over to the downstairs bathroom, feeling the bile rise up in my throat. I bent over the sink and hurled violently into the porcelain. A yellow, brown, and red mix stained the white of the sink and I reached for my phone as more bloodied vomit flooded onto the sink. I pressed 3 shakily on sped dial and placed the phone to my ear.

The phone rang twice before I heard a "hello" on the other end.

I coughed, my voice barely making a sound," Kendall. Please come get me." My body purged more mixture into the sink as my arm struggled to keep the phone next to my ear.

I heard Kendall shuffle around his voice going in and out as he asked, "What's wrong, Maria? Are you okay? I'm coming to get you right now." I heard doors slam and a worried Mama Knight asking where he was going.

"I have to get Maria… Something's wrong." He replied, "Baby, I'll be right there. Stay on with me."

I choked out, "Can't. Arms… Weak." I sputtered more blood out, my body crumpling to the ground. My arm fell to my side, phone resting on the ground. I was swimming in and out of consciousness.

I could barely make out the sounds of a car door slamming, the rev of an engine, and Kendall muttering out worried statements. Something along the lines of "Baby stay with me" was being repeating, somewhat assuring both himself and me that I'll be fine.

My dwindling ability to breathe made the next five minutes seem like a lifetime. I thanked whatever gods and goddesses in the sky that my father was too irresponsible to lock the front door as Kendall burst in.

"Maria?" He called, "Where are you?"

I coughed and wheezed in reply and I heard footsteps nearing the bathroom. He came into view and I tried to smile, I attempted to say to him, "I told you I'd call you." But the tightness in my stomach made it impossible for me to even mutter a coherent thought.

He breathed a sigh of relief before bending down, "Oh baby. We're gonna get you help. We'll get you to a doctor."

I shook my head; I couldn't lie about this one to the doctors, "No. No hospitals…" A thought came to mind, or rather, a person, "Logan. Get Logan. He'll help."

"No, we have to-"

"Please. Logan…" I begged, no matter what happened to me, my father was still my father, and I didn't want him to get into trouble.

He pulled his cell phone out after a moment and dialed, "Logan. I need your help. Come to my house. It's urgent. Please." He nodded at Logan's reply, then hung up.

Kendall then wrapped my arms around his neck and picked me up like a small child. I felt as vulnerable as one, that's for sure. He shut the door behind us, and set me down into the passenger seat, fighting to keep consciousness. The only thing my mind could grasp was his warm hand wrapped around mine. When we finally reached his house, I was rushed inside where Logan and Mama Knight were waiting.

"What happened?" Logan asked, alarmed.

Kendall set me down on the nearest couch, shaking his head, "I don't know. She's hurt."

I coughed, "Father… kicked my stomach… blood in sink…" I was overcome with a violent fit of coughing, and I could taste the bile and blood rising in my throat. Kendall sat next to me on the couch, my head in his lap. He smoothed my hair comfortingly, but looked at Logan with worry.

Logan began assessing my injury, mumbling medical terms to himself, his brain clearly cranking out a solution to make me feel better," Internal injury, internal bleeding… Need to heal the wound quickly…"

"Is she going to be alright?" Kendall almost yelled.

Logan snapped out of his reverie and looked at Kendall, "Yes. She should. We need to try to heal the cut in her stomach. She needs serraptse enzyme, to dissolve the tissue. Lots of Vitamin E&C to help heal the injured surface… Get her some water right now."

Kendall gently placed a pillow under my head before scurrying off into the kitchen. He came back after a moment and was with me again. I sipped carefully, scared that my body would reject it. The water slid down my throat, comfort emanating from Kendall's hand and the cold liquid. I closed my eyes and let the water slip a little worry away. Mama Knight was on the phone in the other room finding which pharmacies sold serraptse enzyme. I heard Katie come down the stairs and towards where Kendall, Logan, and I were staying, but Mama Knight immediately sent her back to her room, most likely so she wouldn't have to see my like this. She's still so young, I wouldn't know how to explain to her what had happened.

Then, the water hit the wrong spot in my throat and I started sputtering bloody water into the glass, "Oh shit. I'm sorry, I-"my croaked words were cut off by the bile rising in my throat. I spit into the cup some more, unable to control the movement in my throat.

It continued like this for several hours until Mama Knight found the things I needed to feel better. And after I threw up everything that could possibly be in my stomach, I cleaned my face and washed my mouth out of the disgusting taste. I looked at Kendall miserably through the mirror of his bathroom and he stepped towards me. He wrapped his arms around my hips, hands resting near my butt. I snuggled my head into his shoulder and cried quietly. It seemed like I was crying a lot, lately. But I guess that's what happens when you keep everything inside for too long. Kendall was a person that I felt that I can be real with, someone I can share with my emotions with, without the fear of him judging me.

He brought his hands to the back of my knees and hooked my legs around his waist. For the second time today, I felt like a kid. Not that it was a bad thing, I had grown up so fast; it felt good to be cared for. He walked us to his bedroom, placing kisses to my face in an attempt to stop my tears. He laid us down on his bed shushing me quietly, bringing me into his chest. I slowly fell asleep in the comfort of his arms, knowing that they were a place that meant I was safe.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I do not own BTR.**

**UGH. GUYS. I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN SO LONG. I apologize, sincerely. I would make an excuse about school and everything, but you guys read that a lot. So yeah. On with the story. (By the way, I apologize for the somewhat sucky ending…)**

"_**[Review] it, even if you hate it." **_**– Michael Buckley**

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><p>I woke up some time later to a small buzz of conversation somewhere in Kendall's room and random chords of guitar being plucked. I rolled over in Kendall's bed silently, half listening to the conversation that was going on at the end of the bed.<p>

"… That sucks dude, I feel so bad for her…" I heard James' voice reply to some conversation I missed while I was asleep.

"Yeah. Well, she's a strong girl, she just needs people to turn to… And I'll gladly do that for her," I heard Kendall's familiar voice answer, "I think I-"

Logan interrupted him, "I was so scared earlier, man. I didn't want her to get worse or I don't know."

"At least you made her feel better, dude." Carlos said.

"I'm really worried about her, guys. But she's so stubborn and I know she won't listen to me if I ask her." Kendall said, my ears perking up. _Ask me what?_

James suggested, "Well. Just ask."

I turned over under the sheets, ruffling them, and signaling to them that I was awake. "Kendall?" I called, faking just waking up. Kendall's head popped up from the edge of the bed, a soft smile on his face, and then the other boys stretching up to peer at me.

"Hey, babe. You okay?"

I nodded, "I guess. I need water though." My throat burned as I uttered the words.

Carlos stood and offered to get some, then walked down the stairs as James, Kendall, and Logan sat on the bed around me. Kendall reached down and kissed my forehead. I hummed quietly realizing how much I missed his touch, so I pressed my lips to his.

"Ewww." James and Logan chorused.

"Not in front of us, please." Logan added.

"Then leave," I quipped jokingly, bringing my lips back to Kendall's.

Carlos interrupted the kiss after few seconds, "I guess you don't need water, since you're swapping spit with Kendall." I laughed and reached for the water in his hands. I was too busy gulping down the sweet nectar to notice Kendall usher the guys out of the room.

I felt Kendall climb into the bed next to me, then setting the empty glass on the floor after I handed it to him. I turned and pecked his shoulder before looking up at Kendall. He was blankly staring at the ceiling; I could see the thoughts flooding his mind, a mix of emotions apparent in his eyes.

I nudged him with my head, "Hey. What's wrong?"

He looked down at me after a minute, smiling vaguely, "Nothing."

"Lies."

"No, seriously. I'm good."

I stared at him doubtfully, then dropped the subject. I turned around, my back against his chest, his hands coming to wrap around my waist. After a moment of silence, Kendall took a breath and said, "I want you to stay with me."

Confused, I asked, "I didn't know I was leaving…?"

He turned me around and explained, "No. I mean. I want you to stay with me. Here. In the house. I don't want you to live with your dad anymore. It's not safe there."

I kissed his cheek, tears pricking my eyes slightly, "Thank you for caring so much about me, Kendall. But I don't want to impose. I can get an apartment or something near the school. I don't want to be a burden to you guys. And plus, I can take care of myself."

"Baby, you know we have extra room, and my mom loves you! She'd be happy to accommodate. I know she's wary about you staying with your dad, too." Kendall moved his lips closer to my ear and whispered, "And we can fool around some more…"

I shivered a little, then shook my head, "I turn 18 in January. It's December 12 now –hey 13 more days until Christmas- and a little over a month till my birthday. I'll get money, and a job, and I'll move out."

He blinked, knowing I wouldn't change my mind, "Fine. But by the end of January. Promise?"

I smiled and nodded, "I promise." He bent down to kiss me, lips moving across the skin on my neck. My eyes fluttered shut at the feeling, but I pushed him away slightly.

"Are you forgetting that I'm injured?" I joked, "No roughhousing today. That includes sex. And foreplay."

He sighed, frowning, "Fine. But, I swear, as soon as you get better…"

I bit my lip, naughty thoughts coming to my mind, almost throwing caution to the wind and having him right then and there. "Logan would yell at you. Keep it in your pants until then, Kendall." I sat up in the bed and started to climb out, "Now. Let's join the guys downstairs."

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><p>After an hour downstairs of fussing and assuring that I was, indeed, all right, apart from a sore in my throat from the vomiting, the boys finally left. Mama Knight began clearing up the mess they made in the kitchen after they had demolished the Chinese food they ordered. The boys, luckily, had the courtesy enough to clear the various Styrofoam containers off the kitchen counter, but left the food sticking to the granite. Mama Knight easily wiped the crumbs off the counter and into the trash as I stared in awe at how easily cleaning after the four rowdy boys was for her.<p>

"Mama Knight, you're like a super hero." I told her.

She scoffed, "Please. I'm no super hero."

"Sure you are!" I proclaimed, "Running around for the guys and everything. I don't even have the patience for just _Kendall_."

Kendall looked up from the sink where he was washing his hands, "Hey. Not cool, bro."

His mom raised an eyebrow, "Bro?"

I shook my head, "I don't even know; your son is insane."

She nodded in agreement as Kendall dried his hands and joined me near the entrance of the kitchen. He reached over to kiss my temple and asked for the thousandth time, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I laughed, "Yes. I'm sure."

"You really scared us, dear," Mama Knight came toward me, rubbing my back soothingly, "you can stay here if you want, with us. We'd keep you safe. Feed you, made sure you got to school alright. You're welcome to stay here anytime."

I smiled appreciatively, "Thank you, but I think I'll be fine. I told Kendall I'd move out by the end of January, hopefully find a place of my own."

Kendall and his mother sighed, acquiescing to my compromise.

I knew it would be stressful, and definitely wouldn't come easily. But it had to be done. I knew that I wasn't safe in my own home, and I had to get out of there.


End file.
